This will be a humourous book, where each chapter is a short story based on an actual events that has happened in the author's life.
So, ranging from therapists talking about lemons, we also have scenes on an airbed, odd car journeys down one way streets, first dates and internet romances, and bosses at work screaming 'what can you do' !!
THE LEMON & OTHER SHORT STORIES
My first book of short stories. This project is currently in production.
Excerpt from Chapter 1 - "The Lemon":
"Think of a lemon. Hold it in your hands. Bring it up to your nose and smell it. Squeeze it.”
My therapist glanced at me over her circular spectacles which were perched on her nose. It seemed to me she was almost licking her lips in anticipation of what was to come.
“You squeezing it? Good. Now feel the texture of it in your fingers. That’s right, slide your fingers all over it. Enjoy the sensation. Doesn’t this make your mouth water? The delicious expectancy of breaking the lemon’s skin and sucking out the juice?”
I coughed, trying to fight back an inhuman cackle that was rising to the back of my throat. So this was therapy! It was amazing how I had never been here before; how on earth had I lived up to my early thirties without these moments of sparkling wisdom?
Yes, I was being sarcastic. I had been extremely nervous about attending my first therapy session. It had taken all my resolve and courage to have come here and be scrutinized in the first place. I felt almost like a laboratory rat. On top of that, the reasons that forced me to come and sit in front of the therapist were, well, delicate at best.
It had all started about a year before, when my girlfriend at the time requested I go see the doctor about the issues we were having at the time. This was a therapy session aimed at men, for people to express themselves and explain what was going on in their minds to try and alleviate other bodily functions that weren’t quite working properly. I am sure I need not go into any further detail.
So my therapist started talking about chewing on a lemon. It was not the start I had hoped for, nor what I was expecting at all. I mean, most people don’t chew lemons, for a start. Lemons are bitter, are they not? I don’t believe I’ve ever gone into a restaurant, looked at the starter options and seen ‘Juicy Lemons’ in the menus. I wondered, not for the last time, whether my therapist actually needed therapy herself.
“So, is your mouth watering?” she persisted.
I nodded, just to agree for the sake of it.
I do like lemons. That fact was not in dispute. I rather enjoy lemon juice on a battered fish and chips dinner. I enjoy lemon juice on pancakes, along with sugar and maple syrup. I love lemon desserts, yoghurts, mousses and cakes.
Yet, I don’t think, and I’m a firm believer in this, that I would ever suck on one to drain it of juice, like a vampire plunging their eager fangs into a smooth, exposed neck.
I thought she was going to ask me about how I was feeling inside. Put the conversation in my court, so to speak. Be a sounding board for my frustrations and inner torment. Share and respect my thoughts, and offer good, stable advice.
No wonder I was nearly choking with hysteria.
